I've done it, I've gone off the deep end and have done things that I NEVER thought I would do least of actually do but I did them. It has to do with Doc - the compulsive jerk of a liar. We had this pack about if he was interested in someone that he would let me know to give me time to adjust to that - I really did have major feelings for this man but I was married and he was single. Well, the weekend I was at the beach he went out to lunch with a lady. I knew nothing about it. The weekend of thanksgiving and he goes home and tell his mother all about us and the fact that I was married. She wasn't happy but blamed him for knowing better. Anyway it was the weekend after that that he told me that he was interested in this woman who he already went out with but I didn't know that YET.

So I get upset but handle it much better than any other time before. He goes off on his date with her and sees me later. He informs me that in his attempt to be honest with her that he told her about me - the best friend with benefits and that I was married. I said what!!!! Why share that I was married. This man can't tell the truth and he decides now to be honest - WTF!! So, I made it clear to him that it wasn't his place to share that much with her.

We remain friends and he has to decide between his best friend and this new woman - of course he picks the new woman and I was suppose to be supportive while he pushed me out of his life - you know how best friends do. So anyway, cut to last night. I know he has a date with this woman. I had seen him Wednesday, we had sex. I saw him Thursday, we have sex. The guy could hardly maintain his hardon so I'm thinking, this is good, he won't be wanting sex with her. I was willing to accept this new woman as long as I was still able to keep my benefits. The first time he dips into her honey pot, there wasn't going to be anymore benefits. He knew this.

So crazy me and I mean crazy cause I still can't believe I did this.

Oh wait, I forgot to tell you that I found out that he had lunch with this woman while I was out of town and confronted him with it - he admitted and then went off on me how this isn't going to work (our friendship). In other words, he gets caught in a lie and all of a sudden it's not going to work - well duh I can't keep being lied to. Well, even after that blow up, we still have sex - we are fucked up that's for sure.

Okay so now back to tonight. I know that he has been lying. I know that I will never be able to trust him yet I need something to hit me like a wall of bricks. I set out tonight to spy on him. I was going to watch his house and try to figure out what was happening. One thing led to another and I was walking around the back of his house. All the doors were locked. I couldn't believe that I was attempting to go in his house. They had moved from the living room where I could see them in the front window to the bedroom. I could hear the music. I was getting sick in my stomach knowing this was what I needed to finalize the end. I actually walked in the front door. He has a bi-level home and I was able to stay downstairs - I unlocked the back door so I could easily go out if I had to. I slowly made my way upstairs and listened to them talking. AT least he wasn't fucking her - yet. I could hear her talking about me and him saying things about me - He said he didn't know that I was married until later in the relationship - that's pure bull crap as he knew that from hour one. He said that I was a friend and wanted to stay in his life blah blah blah I could tell that she wasn't happy with the fact that I was a friend with benefits. He was lying to her and I couldn't believe the outright lies. he told her that we had stopped the benefits for at least a month and he just kept telling her more and more lies. I finally made my way out of the house. It was 11 o'clock and he said he would call me before he went to bed. Well, I got in my car and called him - knowing he wasn't going to pick the phone up - I left a message to the effect - Hi, it's me, I know you said you would call but I was going to go to bed and I wanted to wish him a safe trip. I also wanted to thank him for filling me up with cum Weds and Thurs and that I loved his hard cock. Have a safe trip and see you when you get back.

I was hoping he hadn't turned the volume down. He really should have picked the phone up.

Well, I get a phone call 20 minutes later and its him. He asks how my evening was blah blah blah. He left me know that when he is gone this weekend that I am to get all my stuff out of his house and leave the key, that he doesn't want to ever see me again. I'm like what are you talking about. He explained to me that she heard the phone call. I said well why didn't he pick the phone up. I thought he was at her house cause he had told me that it was too soon to have her there. I said but that is what you told me, I figured you were just not there. He went on to accuse me of planning this and that I had probably drove by and saw that she was there. yeah yeah yeah.

So, now I'm a vindictive woman - we all knew that from before when I confiscated his x-rated movies of himself.

I didn't cry at all. I'm not even feeling bad that he said those things to me. I'm not even feeling bad that I ruined his date. Have I turned into someone I don't recognize. I better cut that out!!! I think the sooner he is out of my life and I'm able to deal with that, the better for me. I can't deal with all this emotion and still maintain sanity. I do believe I had a bout of insanity tonight. I hope things get better.

It felt good to vent it here. Read it but don't judge me - move on if that is your sole purpose for reading it. I don't feel like dealing with anyone Else's crap but my own thank you