Just a quick note to let those who care know that I am alive, well and behaving as well as I know how. Busy busy busy is what I have been. The only reason I'm on the stream is that I couldn't connect to work tonight to work OT. Probably a good thing as I had a blast on Bella's blog with her chat window - how cool is that right?

My family is doing well. Oldest daughter still has no job but apparently isn't panicking - she is getting offers from the state (government work) and apparently they move pretty darn slow so hopefully she will be officially offered one of those. The youngest is dreading working in the heat but when Thursday comes around and she is bringing home over 500 bucks - she sings a different tune. I'm jealous but more happy for her - that's great money for a 19 year old for summer work. Hubby is doing well. He is playing more volleyball now than ever. Maybe there are some cute young chicks playing and that is why he goes so much or it could be that he just loves to play it and has the opportunity a lot. Which ever it is, he still a great dad, good husband and if it makes him happy - go for it!!! Doc is another story. I'm not going to get into that right now as there just isn't enough time - let's just say I've been doing some thinking and seeing things differently but not completely different.

And then there is my mother. Let's see, had cataract surgery, one month later the night before she is to have the other eye's cataract removed, she goes blind in the eye that was already operated on. We go through doctors and doctors. Memorial Day we spend it in the emergency department waiting to be seen by an ophthalmologist only to be told she now has glaucoma and that is causing her to be nausea, etc. One week after that she is operated on again to have a shunt put in that eye to allow drainage of the fluid so the pressure is decreased and she is comfortable. At one time she was on five eye drops. We have seen a lot of doctors - she now has a NEW ophthalmologist because the original one had the manners of a dead carcass on the highway - he was lame to say the least. The doctor she has now is very people oriented and actually cares! He went into his office to meet her on a Sunday afternoon because he felt he needed to see her when she started to get nauseated again from the eye (apparently there is a nerve around the eye that relates to feeling nauseous and can cause vomiting). We appreciate him a lot.

As for me....well mandatory meeting tomorrow at work - I believe they are going to tell us that our boss will no longer be our boss - yippee!!!! and that our supervisor will move into that position - good move for our department. Things will be better without the old boss - she held us all back - her form of management was intimidation which didn't work but she didn't care as she kept doing it. duh!

Well, I'm off to bed and hopefully can catch up with some venting and thought-provoking thoughts (*heeeheee) soon.

Have a good day!

I swear I already did this - cap and gown, graduation. This time it was more low key. My oldest graduated from college. She graduated magma cum laude with a bachelor of science degree majoring in accounting. I am so proud of her. We witnessed the transformation over the last six months or so....the young girl turning into the mature business woman. She still has some way to go but she has plenty of time and many, many new experiences to learn from. There is no job lined up but I pray she doesn't have to wait too long.

The youngest will be working with her dad making a great hourly wage. Thank god the company still offers this over the summer for college students of the parents who work there. Things are looking good. Stresses are still there but my frame of mind is what makes the difference. I feel like my old self and things run off my back instead of becoming the monkey on the back that I carry around with them. I am able to deal and forget.

Relationships are VERY good. Of course there are tense moments but they are few and far between. I rarely give myself the time to ponder my love for two men and what it means. I just accept it and take one day at a time. It really is no use to get worked over it. I'm not capable of making a decision and as long as I can do what I do and no one suffers, I'm okay.

The new little addition is cute but a little devil in a rabbit suit. Oreo is quite enlightening until he eats my herbs I was growing on the window sill (I still don't know who was suppose to be watching him) and he has eaten quite a few pineapple plant leaves. The little devil. Yeah, his getting chubbier with that diet. We're getting better at protecting the things we know he will destroy and try to interest him in other activities.

More later...

I'm not sure what made us do it. We talked about it since Thanksgiving last year when we were at my brother's house for dinner and we were playing with their bunny. We fell in love with the little guy and convinced ourselves that a bunny was what our cat needed to keep him company. Weeks went by and then months. We still talked about it and knew the best time to buy one would be around Easter for obvious reasons. However, life became busy and Easter came and went and no bunny. Then, one day I had to stop at our local pet store to pick up some of the stuff you put on dogs for fleas/ticks and saw the bunnies. They were adorable and so little. Guess what? They were on sale cause it was after Easter - oh how lucky for us. So two days later my youngest and I made up our mind that we were going to do it. Dad came along to try to talk us out of it. Needless to say he didn't do much talking. We held two of them, trying to decide which one we wanted but it was a no brainer for the youngest daughter as she began to bond with the little guy who became our new addition to our family.

We bought all the necessary stuff one needs to have a rabbit in the house. There was no way this bunny was going to be outside. We were told how to litter train it and how to take care of it and off we went. He was so little and so cute. When you held him, he licked your hand as if saying "thank you, thank you for choosing me." It's been two weeks now and we do not regret it!

We figured we would wait to name him to see what type of personality he had. He wasn't suppose to get bigger than 5 pounds as he was a dwarf bunny but the way this guy eats, I'm not sure. We picked out Oreo because of his markings but we rarely use that name as we all seem to be calling him Bunny. I know, such a feminine name for a male bunny but hey, it works and he responds.

He now has full run of the kitchen (thank goodness it's large) and doesn't venture into my office. My daughter thinks that he thinks the walls will cave in on him. I think she is trying to tell me it's junky. And he doesn't venture onto the living room carpet even though we have had him in there. So he just plays in the kitchen but there are many things he gets into. One of things that we discourage him is the cat litter. He wants to dig and lounge. Granted he does use it for the proper use but we don't want him in there. He has his own litter box in his cage, which I'm happy to say that he uses. Obviously our bunny is a genius to pick up when to use. Whew! He hates it when we put him in his pen at night and close the door. And he definitely hates the dog. He hides from him. He seems to love the cat though and it's fun to watch him follow the cat around the kitchen.

I have put in three pictures of the little guy. There are more but they are on my daughter's computer - so for now this will do.

Oh yeah, the cat, Bandit, is entertained by him and sits and watches. He has even attempted to play with him but as soon as the bunny touches him, he stands up and backs away. Not at all the approach he takes with the dog who is at least 5 times his size. Go figure!

Here is Oreo (Bunny):

I'm not sure of the number or alphabet (however they characterize personalities) but I would be in the group with the analyzers. I analyze EVERYTHING. It's very hard for me to take things at face value. Maybe it's because I'm not a trusting person. I wish I was more trusting. I wish I could go through life and not analyze everything but how does one stop? I have analyzed this to death. I honestly believe that trust plays a HUGE part. I tend to NOT analyze things as much when it involves someone I truly trust. I second guess someone I have trust issues with.

A prime example is my hubby. I don't second guess him. If he says something I know he is sincere. I don't think he is just saying that because I would want to hear it. Now take Doc. I second guess him all the time. I'm constantly analyzing things he says...thinking he actually means something else. He asked me the other night what I wanted to do. I said cuddle. He said okay. I said do you really want to cuddle. He said not really. Then I felt bad cause I didn't want him to do anything he didn't want to do. This kind of thinking is taking a toll on me mentally. Doc and I are "arguing" more because of my "perception" of things. I'm convinced I see it as it is. He is convinced I think too much and talk myself into whatever it is I'm convinced about.

Maybe all of it is true. Do I really live in this world with rosy-colored glasses? I don't think so.

Example of my perception of "something". Doc was on call last night and he got a page. We went to the clinic so he could treat the patient and we went back to his office. I emailed him two poems I had written last week and asked him to put them on his bulletin board so that he could be reminded of how I felt about him. No problem, he said he did. Well, he tells me as we go back that he had to take them down cause someone was in his office (his partner). I said what was the big deal - my name wasn't on it. He said he just didn't want to answer a bunch of questions. He showed me a printed out poem with the thumbtack hole. I still wasn't satisfied with that answer. I look around at his bulletin board and there are a lot of cards and pictures. Pictures of patients, children of patients. He still had my youngest's graduation picture and announcement up there. There were no cards from me as he had taken them down about 2-3 years ago when he got the bulletin boards he has now and I hadn't sent him any cards at work. Well there is this one patient who is a little older than him (61) but still very young looking who obviously likes to send cards. She sent a card for St. Patrick's Day, she sent a card for his father's death, she sent a card for Easter, who knows how many more. I questioned him about this and he just said that she was a card freak - yeah whatever. That isn't normal for a patient to give her chiropractor cards (she even has brought him chocolate). He says she does that for the massage therapist and others in the office. Again WHATEVER - it's not normal.

Then I see this card that was obviously one that I would have given him only it wasn't. Inside was a woman's picture and she had written something about no pictures of her in a black garter and thigh highs but this was as close as she had. He informed me that was a woman he knew a long time ago. I asked why is it up on the bulletin board. He said just to fill in space. I went on to say, wouldn't any of my cards be okay to fill in space? Needless to say things went on like that with both of us getting upset. His point was that I'm still in his life and she isn't. Well then why keep the picture up there.

I have every reason to be upset, yet I don't. There is no commitment between us. I want honesty from him and I can't trust him to give it to me. It's been that way for 10 years. When I get to the point of trusting him, he says or does something to make me waiver in how I feel about it.UGH!!!!!

Well I could go on and on about this issue and all the little things that make me analyze everything but I'm tired in many ways and have vented and now must go to bed!