Wow I can't believe it's been a month since I wrote something. I have so much to record. I feel time is moving too fast (or I'm too slow) or how about I just have too much going on. First, the last time I was here I mentioned about an across the board raise. That turned out to be 45 cents for me. I was hoping for more. Well, then about the boss who was put on indefinite leave. Who knows what's going on with that. She isn't coming back to our department but because of legal reasons posting of any new jobs have to wait till things are settled with that which means that the position of quality specialist won't be posted for at least another month. That's okay - I have at least another month with working from home. I am determined now to take the job. I know I have sworn off management when I left the last job but it's an entirely different atmosphere and class of people I will be working with. I'm ready for the change and the challenge. It helps that the boss lady and the other quality specialist want me to take the position when it's available. I was leery at first due to the amount of money. Even though I just got a raise, this job would mean I have to go back into the hospital to work and more responsibility - I want more than 50 cents or 60 cents difference. Apparently it is or at least after they rewrite the job description and human resources determine the pay grade, etc. Then there is something else that I was told but has to remain confidential until the actual interview and that really was the deciding point of taking the position. I'll keep everyone posted as I know something.

My mom isn't taking the news that I will be going back in-house very well. She told my brother over the weekend that she hopes I make the right choice and went on to say who would take her to her doctor's appointments and that she will die if I take this job. Whoa! When my brother told me this, it didn't really surprise me. I can't expect support from her. She doesn't know how. Her world revolves about what is happening with her not how anyone else is feeling or thinking but how things relate to her and only her. Because I anticipated problems and added stress I made an appointment with my therapist. I asked her if she knew of someone who did home visits. I think my mother, no wait, I KNOW my mother needs therapy. She needs to talk and work out things from grieving my father to living alone and not able to do the things she used to do. I'm hoping the therapist thing materializes and she gets some help.

Things around here are actually moving along fine. Oldest daughter is working her temporary job with Rite Aid as an accountant. Youngest daughter is still making the BIG bucks for the summer and getting ready to start her second year of college (forensic major). Bandit the cat is getting rounder and much more lazy. The rabbit (Oreo) is starting to look a lot like a regular rabbit and not a dwarf - probably too much fruit and veggies or maybe the paper and cardboard he seems to find or maybe under my oak table that he likes to chew on or maybe there are some really fattening calories in those electrical cords that he seems to be attracted to - either way, he is cute and we still love the little critter - but oh my he can't be trusted. We have rabbit-proofed our kitchen which is where he lives. He is put in a play yard at night because of the reason stated above - he can't be trusted - and then during the day when I'm here, he has the run of the kitchen. Hubby even built a gate separating the living room and kitchen so he can't find the juiciest of electrical cords. We had two casualties - a phone cord and my router electrical cord. Luckily we had a spare for the phone cord and we found the exact electrical cord for the router on EBAY. We also have become more careful.

I'm looking forward to Friday and the weekend. Friday I'm off work and I'm going away for the weekend. Staying at Doc's. I'm so looking forward to the time away and being able to sleep in. Ironically, I usually sleep in the spare room when I'm there and staying over cause its one of the times I can have a bed to myself - yippee. We can cuddle and do all that other stuff before we sleep - give me the snugly soft bed to myself please!!! Doc doesn't seem to mind - if it makes me happy as he would say. YES it makes me happy!!! I will also have a break from my mother this weekend.

Hubby has been playing volleyball every night of the week. I say all the more power to ya honey. He comes home drenched in sweat and sand in his shoes (playing outside on a sand court) but he is happy to be playing and as long as he is happy, I can be happy.

Hopefully more soon....

I've been feeling great lately. I'm not quite sure why cause lord knows I have my share of bumps in the road so to speak. Things have been falling in place pretty well. As you know the youngest daughter has the job that pays great. The oldest daughter got a temporary job till October. She loves it. My job is going pretty good as a matter of fact I am considering a job as quality specialist. I wouldn't have to type anymore, instead I would be checking other transcriptionist's reports for errors and filling in blanks and other jobs in the background of the department. It would also mean that I would have to go into the hospital to work. I've been working from home for well over 8 years and I would hate to give up that freedom but on the other hand the pros of this job are pretty good. I have at least three weeks to think about it and really weigh the pros and cons of it before it's posted.

I did get a raise - a whole whooping 45 cents but I'm not complaining. I have an evaluation coming up that hopefully will be a pretty good one and that raise should be as much if not more.

My mother's health has been pretty good. Of course her eyesight never returned but I never suspected it would. She keeps hoping for a miracle. I realize that but you can't expect a miracle - it wouldn't be a miracle if that was case. Miracles are unexpected things - that is what a miracle is. She's stubborn and gets herself all upset when she thinks about it. I say - deal with what is happening now - not what has happened and not what might happen. Oh that was easy. Easy to say but hard as heck to practice. Which brings me to Doc.

Things between us are actually pretty good. I still don't trust him like I should even though I KNOW nothing is going on but every time I put my guard down, something happens. (I just had a deja vu episode - wow, double wow - let me take this in - ever have one of those while blogging?) Okay I'm back - whew that was weird. Anyway, back to Doc. He is talking about moving in a year or so because they are putting in a rather large development in the field/pasture behind his house. I don't blame him really, I would feel the same way. I'm trying to convince him to move closer to me. We'll see. We had a fight that started online and ended on the phone tonight. It's probably my fault for overreacting like I usually do but sometimes I just get the shits of some attitudes. Perhaps I really was taking my frustrations out on him that I had for hubby.

Okay get this. I stop working (had an hour to go) to prepare dinner, kabobs on the grill and homemade mac & cheese. I'm a preparing and cooking away and I'm at the grill turning the kabobs so they'd be perfect and hubby informs me that he is leaving in five minutes to play volleyball - WTF!!!????!!!! Do I do this to him when I go away? Do I leave him after he has done something for me? I'm thinking about this and the answer is NO. That is one thing I make sure I don't do and that is ditch my family. He knows I'm upset but I don't argue with him. It's only fair. I do remind him that when I go away remember this incident - Hey I'm a woman!! I can be a little vindictive. Anyway, now I'm bummed about the whole dinner thing and eat alone at the table while he is off playing volleyball and my kids are who knows where and at that point I really didn't care. Attitude!!!! Then comes along Doc online as I was finishing up work. I blow something out of proportion like I apparently do. What happens but my computer freezes just as I'm writing something really bitter to him. Oh great - I pull the plug and know that he will think I just got offline and he'll get off as well. Well yep that is what happened but did he call to check to see if I had trouble or if I did it on purpose - nope. So I call him after 10 minutes or so and then we started yelling at each other - or rather he was yelling at me for my "behavior" blah blah blah - yeah I really have not respect for a person when they are yelling at me. He says he talks loud cause that is just how Italians are - whatever!! So I say good bye - who needs to listen to that - heck I had the phone out an arm length and still could hear him. I should have just snapped the phone shut but no......I waited till he was done and said good bye. Who needs that crap!

So we'll see how that pans out. I have enough to keep me busy so I don't go crawling back apologizing for whatever. We obviously need some time apart. He really is a different sort of person - I can say that I have never NEVER met anyone like him before. EVER. I can understand why his relationships never lasted. What did I hope? That I could change him into a better person? A less self-centered person? I'll answer those another time - right now I need to concentrate on other things.

I was visiting some blogs and love the way pictures are used to tell a story. Puppy shared a day on the lake and Daisy shared her beautiful gardens. Gardens are hard work and I'm determined to make mine into as maintenance free as I can get them. Lilies seem to be one of my favorite flowers and luckily they multiple very easy. My best friend gave me quite a few perennials when she got rid of her one garden and they are doing beautifully. I will have to take the time to take some pictures and share. There is one thing that I noticed this year that I'm having trouble getting rid of and that's Poison Ivy - yucko. I can't believe how it has grown this year. I have stuff to spray on it but the weather has to be just right and I have to make the time during those just-right days. We have it so bad at one of the pine trees that it is coming up in the yard around it - yikes no walking barefoot around there!! I'm ready to kill the grass just to get rid of it. I'll let you know how that war goes.

We'll I have more to share but getting sleepy so I'm gonna call it a night.

Just a quick note to let those who care know that I am alive, well and behaving as well as I know how. Busy busy busy is what I have been. The only reason I'm on the stream is that I couldn't connect to work tonight to work OT. Probably a good thing as I had a blast on Bella's blog with her chat window - how cool is that right?

My family is doing well. Oldest daughter still has no job but apparently isn't panicking - she is getting offers from the state (government work) and apparently they move pretty darn slow so hopefully she will be officially offered one of those. The youngest is dreading working in the heat but when Thursday comes around and she is bringing home over 500 bucks - she sings a different tune. I'm jealous but more happy for her - that's great money for a 19 year old for summer work. Hubby is doing well. He is playing more volleyball now than ever. Maybe there are some cute young chicks playing and that is why he goes so much or it could be that he just loves to play it and has the opportunity a lot. Which ever it is, he still a great dad, good husband and if it makes him happy - go for it!!! Doc is another story. I'm not going to get into that right now as there just isn't enough time - let's just say I've been doing some thinking and seeing things differently but not completely different.

And then there is my mother. Let's see, had cataract surgery, one month later the night before she is to have the other eye's cataract removed, she goes blind in the eye that was already operated on. We go through doctors and doctors. Memorial Day we spend it in the emergency department waiting to be seen by an ophthalmologist only to be told she now has glaucoma and that is causing her to be nausea, etc. One week after that she is operated on again to have a shunt put in that eye to allow drainage of the fluid so the pressure is decreased and she is comfortable. At one time she was on five eye drops. We have seen a lot of doctors - she now has a NEW ophthalmologist because the original one had the manners of a dead carcass on the highway - he was lame to say the least. The doctor she has now is very people oriented and actually cares! He went into his office to meet her on a Sunday afternoon because he felt he needed to see her when she started to get nauseated again from the eye (apparently there is a nerve around the eye that relates to feeling nauseous and can cause vomiting). We appreciate him a lot.

As for me....well mandatory meeting tomorrow at work - I believe they are going to tell us that our boss will no longer be our boss - yippee!!!! and that our supervisor will move into that position - good move for our department. Things will be better without the old boss - she held us all back - her form of management was intimidation which didn't work but she didn't care as she kept doing it. duh!

Well, I'm off to bed and hopefully can catch up with some venting and thought-provoking thoughts (*heeeheee) soon.

Have a good day!

I swear I already did this - cap and gown, graduation. This time it was more low key. My oldest graduated from college. She graduated magma cum laude with a bachelor of science degree majoring in accounting. I am so proud of her. We witnessed the transformation over the last six months or so....the young girl turning into the mature business woman. She still has some way to go but she has plenty of time and many, many new experiences to learn from. There is no job lined up but I pray she doesn't have to wait too long.

The youngest will be working with her dad making a great hourly wage. Thank god the company still offers this over the summer for college students of the parents who work there. Things are looking good. Stresses are still there but my frame of mind is what makes the difference. I feel like my old self and things run off my back instead of becoming the monkey on the back that I carry around with them. I am able to deal and forget.

Relationships are VERY good. Of course there are tense moments but they are few and far between. I rarely give myself the time to ponder my love for two men and what it means. I just accept it and take one day at a time. It really is no use to get worked over it. I'm not capable of making a decision and as long as I can do what I do and no one suffers, I'm okay.

The new little addition is cute but a little devil in a rabbit suit. Oreo is quite enlightening until he eats my herbs I was growing on the window sill (I still don't know who was suppose to be watching him) and he has eaten quite a few pineapple plant leaves. The little devil. Yeah, his getting chubbier with that diet. We're getting better at protecting the things we know he will destroy and try to interest him in other activities.

More later...