I wrote in my blog about my mother and then later in the day I checked my email and a friend sent me one of those emails that gets passed around by friends to friends and so forth until it is polluted in email world. This is the kind of thing that makes me feel guilty in my life for complaining about things: Read on -

I grew up in the 40s/50s with practical parents. A mother, God love her, who washed aluminum foil after she cooked in it, then reused it. She was the original recycle queen, before they had a Name for it... A father who was happier getting old shoes fixed than buying new ones.

Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers, tee shirt and a hat and Mom in a house dress, lawn mower in one hand, and dishtowel in the other. It was the time for fixing things. A curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress Things we keep.

It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, eating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there'd always be more.

But then my mother died, and on that clear summer's night, in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any more.

Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away...never to return. So ... while we have it ... it's best we love it ... and care for it ... and fix it when it's broken..... and heal it when it's sick.

This is true ... for marriage ... and old cars ... and children with bad report cards..... and dogs with bad hips .. and aging parents..... and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it. Some things we keep. Like a best friend that moved away or a classmate we grew up with.

There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who are special..... and so, we keep them close!

I received this from someone who thinks I am a 'keeper,' so I've sent it to the people I think of in the same way. Now it's your turn to send this to those people that are "keepers" in your life Good friends are like stars.... You don't always see them, but you know they are always there.

Keep them close!

TEN THINGS GOD WON'T ASK ON THAT DAY.

1... God won't ask what kind of car you drove. He'll ask how many people you drove who didn't have transportation.

2... God won't ask the square footage of your house, He'll ask how many people you welcomed into your home.

3... God won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet, He'll ask how many you helped to clothe.

4... God won't ask what your highest salary was. He'll ask if you compromised your character to obtain it.

5... God won't ask what your job title was. He'll ask if you performed your job to the best of your ability.

6... God won't ask how many friends you had. He'll ask how many people to whom you were a friend.

7... God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived, He'll ask how you treated your neighbors.

8... God won't ask about the color of your skin, He'll ask about the content of your character.

9... God won't ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation. He'll lovingly take you to your mansion in heaven, and not to the gates of Hell.

10... God won't have to ask how many people you forwarded this to, He already knows your decision

I have a lot of stress in my life. I didn't want it, I tried to avoid it. I have always been a laid back kind of woman, things just rolled off my back. But then my father died four sad years ago at a rather young age by today's standards and I became the replacement in the family. You would have to understand my mother to know that this "job" was not something I wanted to take on, especially having a very good life without all those "problems". Not to dwell on the details of this transaction, I am pretty much the sole caregiver of a woman who still lives at home, is in a wheelchair, is very manipulative and unappreciative of what people (friends and family) do for her. This situation has caused a lot of stress in my life. I thought I was handling it pretty good for for the first couple of years but lately it has become overwhelming as her she becomes more dependent on me and still has the nasty habits of manipulation and gossip. It just is so unlike me and I do have a hard time dealing with a mother who does things like that to her family who are trying hard to help her. Anyway, that was a little background into the major stress.....

What I really wanted to write about was dealing with this stress. I know that a lot of people turn to some bad habits to deal with it; some others have turned to healthy habits. Besides still smoking the 3-4 cigarettes a day, I like to think my stress buster habits are healthy. I exercise by walking, I drink lots and lots of water and when I really get stressed, I do love to make love or simply please a man. This is the reason for this blog - to vent about that aspect of my life. {I'm not out to offend anyone. Stop reading and don't come back if you feel strongly against this kind of blog. Again, I am not out to offend.}

The wonderful thing about being intimate with a man is that everything that had bogged me down mentally just flies out the window. I think of nothing but what I'm doing at the moment, pleasing my man. I get so into it that it is like being in another world where I have no worries other than what position next or do I just want to give head. Afterward, I am so relaxed, breathing fast and tingling but more relaxed than I had been all day. Maybe that's one of the reasons I feel as if I addicted to lovemaking because of the high afterward and the relaxing effect it has.

One other thing, when I have a headache (and I do seem to get them more with stress) the best medicine I have found to make it go away is sex. None of those excuses about no sex because I have a headache, no sirree. Bring it on and make it disappear; 99% of the time it works and I have less stress, a happy partner and have fulfilled a craving.

I have often wondered about the men in my life if things were to go "bad" and we stopped being lovers, would our friendship continue. What differentiates that fine line between best buddy and lover.

Neither one of the men in my life is thought of just for the sex. I have relationships with both - best buddies. Oh there are differences, communication issues, selfishness issues, the normal I think in any type of relationship (excluding those really super relationships). But I can't imagine not having both in my life as something - lover or friend. I do imagine that without sex in the relationship it would be a tad awkward at first.

What if.... what if..... I have no experience in this. I don't know what the future will be. How do I decide and do I have to decide? How long can I do this two lives thing? I'm already starting to get emotionally drained but am not willing to give any of it up. Yes, I am selfish, I certainly don't need that pointed out to me. But they are free to make decisions as well. Maybe it does boil down to the sex in the end.

When I was growing up my parents never really talked to my brother and me about sex. That was something we learned on our own. My brother had his way and I'm not really sure when and how I learned. I think it just happened, you know *poof*.

I think if I was more sexually active at a younger age, I might have gotten some things out of my system but alas I was a good girl and waited to the "moment" was right, not giving into the high school urges. I remember the first time very well and I must say, I loved it. I heard horror stories about the "first time". For me it was like a fish to water, I jumped in and learned all I could: What gave the most pleasure to him and to me, trying new positions, techniques, etc. I couldn't get enough. It was like I was starved and I needed to be filled up. It was a monogamous relationship for years. I was getting everything I wanted so I didn't think about what anyone else had to offer. I was young and naive too. He was so willing to try new things with me. I introduced the toys. I picked out the porn videos. We went at it like bunnies.

To this day, I'm still learning. Gotta have variation to keep it fun.

It is this willingness to learn and please, I believe, which has lead me to have sexual confidence. Sounds funny but when you don't have it and you gain it, then you understand. There was a moment in my life when things weren't happy in bunnyland and my mind was weak and I lost confidence in myself. Sad days for sure. Self esteem isn't a pretty thing to lose. But a great feeling once you gain it back. Along with that, my sexual confidence came back as I rediscovered my own sexuality. What made me happy sexually, what touches worked for me, what toys were more of a turn-on, etc. With this newfound confidence I have been able again to please both my partners and myself in loving sexual relationships.

I don't expect to have that question answered by anyone. I am well aware that it is an individual thing.

I use to compare levels of love with body parts. Example: I love this person enough to give my life to save theirs; or I love this person enough to give a kidney (if compatible of course). The greater the sacrifice of myself, the more I loved them.

I then thought of love differently. We have always been brought up that when you met the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, that was considered true love. What happens when there are two people you feel that strongly about? How can you measure the love then? Tough question to answer from my perspective. Do I stay with the first one I fell in love with or what? Am I not allowed to love another with the same intensity just because I fell in love with the first one first? How in the world did I get myself in a predicament like this?

I'm in denial by not really wanting the answers to these questions but at some point in my life I am going to have to address them and honestly answer them.

Until then, I am going to enjoy life to its fullest without hurting others in the process.