I'll be starting my new position on Wednesday. Yep, I accepted. I went in for my interview. The information she gave me was outdated (the position was in the process of being updated), she had no clue what my pay would be. Heck she didn't really know too much except what she wanted to see happen with a third quality specialist. She had high expectations and I was thinking that I would need a big pay increase to do the things she was asking for. As she was telling me these things, I was wondering what the heck she was going to do in HER job cause a lot of things she was saying were going to be quality specialist's responsibilities were hers before. So, I had a second talk with her this past Friday. I was given my evaluation at the same time. It was a good evaluation - 4% raise - and I was offered the quality specialist position. Now get this - the new wage was only 20 cents more than I was going to make with my 4% raise (this equals to almost 80 cents more an hour than I presently make). But then she told me the other news that makes this position all the better - where I will be making many dollars more than I do now - a bonus so to speak. I'm happy about that - makes all those added responsibility more tolerable.

We went away this weekend, just an overnight. The oldest had won these tickets to Six Flags and she booked a night at a hotel in the area so we all went down. Been a while since all four of us went away like that. It was fun. We stopped at Ikea outside of Baltimore. It was the first time I have ever been to the store and wow what a store. I'm ready to remodel the kitchen! But with just getting 15 windows and a new steel roof, I don't believe it will be happening this year. However, I am going to start with one of the closets in the kitchen. For some reason when we bought this 1889 home there were two closets in the kitchen - they were the ONLY closets in the home. They had double sliding wood doors. The smaller closet had wood shelves on the one side and place for brooms on the other side. The larger closet, we built shelves in it on the one side and the other side is used for our jackets. It'll be fun redoing it - of course I say that now "it'll be fun," we'll see down the line...

So, two more days of typing - hard to believe. The biggest change this job has is not only the typing but also that I will have to go into the hospital to work. This job will eventually be a home-based position but probably not for a couple more months. Oh boy!

Today or rather yesterday was my birthday. I spent it in the dentist chair (my choice) and by myself (my choice) until my family came home. I opted out of the usual dinner and requested the money that would have been spent on a meal for four at a very nice restaurant to be given to me so I could coupon grocery shop at my favorite grocery stores. This was all my choice. I did today what I wanted. I didn't expect birthday wishes, lunch/dinner out. My expectations were nil and you know what? I had a great day!!! I spent too much (160 bucks) but heck it was enough groceries and even things for my mom and my family to live on for quite a while. Remember me mentioning that around my birthday is when I do a lot of that looking into my soul and who I am..... With that said - one of my inspirational websites with one of its inspirational poems - follow the link to hear the music and see the beautiful photography.

 Inspiring Thoughts

You are…

You are strong when you take your grief and teach it to smile

You are brave when you overcome your fear and help others to do the same.

You are happy when you see a flower and are thankful for the blessing.

You  are loving when your own pain does not blind you of the pain of others.

You are wise when you know the limits of your wisdom

You are true when you admit there are times you fool yourself

You are alive when tomorrow’s hope means more to you than yesterday’s mistake.

You are growing when you know what you are but not what you will become

You are free when you are in control of yourself and do not wish to control others

You are honorable when you find your honor is to honor others

You are generous when you can take as sweetly as you can give

You are humble when you do not know how humble you are

You are thoughtful when you see me just as I am and treat me just as you are

You are merciful when you forgive in others the faults you condemn in others.

You are beautiful when you don’t need a mirror to tell you

You are rich when you never need more than what you have.

You are you when you are at peace with who you are not.

 

I can't believe that it's the end of September. Heck I can't believe I'm turning another year older - yikes. My birthday always makes me reflect back on my life, where I am, where I've been and where I'm going. Sometimes thinking that much just makes my thoughts go faster in my head and then I have trouble concentrating on just one and thinking it through. I hate that and I'm not sure if that is just part of ADD or just too much going on in my life or even both.

The family is doing fine. I'm so proud of my girls. I burst with pride every time I talk about them or even think about them. The oldest starts her new job with the state govt in one week. She just bought her very first car - 2007 Hyundai Elantra - sweet ride. Youngest daughter is struggling in college with organic chemistry and Calculus. It will be her third calculus class and second organic chemistry. She is contemplating switching majors. I support her, offered to get her a tutor. I don't believe she will quit college but she may change majors. She isn't sure what she would switch to though. I completely relate to her struggle as I had the same struggle in my second year of college. Hubby is doing well too. We have been doing home improvements - 15 new windows and very soon they will be installing our new roof. We are getting this lifetime roof - steel roof that is made to look like our slate shingles. Hubby has been working on replacing some of the wood lattice work that was under the porch that goes around the house with plastic lattice - it looks great. I promise to post pictures of before and after.

I interviewed Friday for the position that I mentioned in an earlier blog - quality specialist. The old manager is out but coming back as a record analyst. Our new manager is the lady who has been doing it while they decided what to do with the old manager. She has a lot of great ideas but I have a feeling that she will expect others to put it all together and implement it while she doesn't have a part in it. Not my style of management and we'll see how long that lasts. I have enough experience to be able to do that but I'm not sure I will be paid enough to be that much of a part of management without the title or authority. She wasn't able to tell me how much I would be making. I'm ready for the change. Typing is becoming very old. I'm finding my mind wandering. I believe I need more of a challenge with a tad less time restriction-induced stress. I'll know by next Wednesday, Friday the latest, whether I offered the job or not and then decide if I really want it. Being that I'm good buds with one of the other quality specialist, she tells me that the manager talks as if I already have the job. Well, lets see what they put on the table as far as money.

Doc and I have been good, very good. As I was putting my life in perspective, I was thinking that we aren't as intimate as we used to be. Sometimes it bothers me cause I certainly want it more, but he has been more tentative to other things in our relationship that weren't there before. And that feels wonderful. I have also noticed that my hubby and I are becoming more intimate but not really in a loving way - just in a sexual way - meeting his needs. I say meeting his needs because mine are certainly not met. I feel like I am fulfilling a wifely duty and if it makes him happy and content - well so be it then I was successful and I have been successful so far. Funny thing - while cleaning the attic I found a box with letters from him when I was away at college and a box of letters from me from the same time. I read a card that was in my box to my youngest who was helping to clean - it was mushy but it so expressed how he felt about me back then. We were so innocent and young - so in love with each other. Some day I will bring those boxes down and read through them. I'm sure it will stir something up inside me - some of the old feelings. I do love him, he has been very good to me but I don't feel that happy feeling like I used to. That always makes me sad when I think of that. What happened to it? Will I ever feel it again?

I'm gonna try to visit more often and blog more, maybe it will help me with that fleeting thought process. One never knows!

Wow I can't believe it's been a month since I wrote something. I have so much to record. I feel time is moving too fast (or I'm too slow) or how about I just have too much going on. First, the last time I was here I mentioned about an across the board raise. That turned out to be 45 cents for me. I was hoping for more. Well, then about the boss who was put on indefinite leave. Who knows what's going on with that. She isn't coming back to our department but because of legal reasons posting of any new jobs have to wait till things are settled with that which means that the position of quality specialist won't be posted for at least another month. That's okay - I have at least another month with working from home. I am determined now to take the job. I know I have sworn off management when I left the last job but it's an entirely different atmosphere and class of people I will be working with. I'm ready for the change and the challenge. It helps that the boss lady and the other quality specialist want me to take the position when it's available. I was leery at first due to the amount of money. Even though I just got a raise, this job would mean I have to go back into the hospital to work and more responsibility - I want more than 50 cents or 60 cents difference. Apparently it is or at least after they rewrite the job description and human resources determine the pay grade, etc. Then there is something else that I was told but has to remain confidential until the actual interview and that really was the deciding point of taking the position. I'll keep everyone posted as I know something.

My mom isn't taking the news that I will be going back in-house very well. She told my brother over the weekend that she hopes I make the right choice and went on to say who would take her to her doctor's appointments and that she will die if I take this job. Whoa! When my brother told me this, it didn't really surprise me. I can't expect support from her. She doesn't know how. Her world revolves about what is happening with her not how anyone else is feeling or thinking but how things relate to her and only her. Because I anticipated problems and added stress I made an appointment with my therapist. I asked her if she knew of someone who did home visits. I think my mother, no wait, I KNOW my mother needs therapy. She needs to talk and work out things from grieving my father to living alone and not able to do the things she used to do. I'm hoping the therapist thing materializes and she gets some help.

Things around here are actually moving along fine. Oldest daughter is working her temporary job with Rite Aid as an accountant. Youngest daughter is still making the BIG bucks for the summer and getting ready to start her second year of college (forensic major). Bandit the cat is getting rounder and much more lazy. The rabbit (Oreo) is starting to look a lot like a regular rabbit and not a dwarf - probably too much fruit and veggies or maybe the paper and cardboard he seems to find or maybe under my oak table that he likes to chew on or maybe there are some really fattening calories in those electrical cords that he seems to be attracted to - either way, he is cute and we still love the little critter - but oh my he can't be trusted. We have rabbit-proofed our kitchen which is where he lives. He is put in a play yard at night because of the reason stated above - he can't be trusted - and then during the day when I'm here, he has the run of the kitchen. Hubby even built a gate separating the living room and kitchen so he can't find the juiciest of electrical cords. We had two casualties - a phone cord and my router electrical cord. Luckily we had a spare for the phone cord and we found the exact electrical cord for the router on EBAY. We also have become more careful.

I'm looking forward to Friday and the weekend. Friday I'm off work and I'm going away for the weekend. Staying at Doc's. I'm so looking forward to the time away and being able to sleep in. Ironically, I usually sleep in the spare room when I'm there and staying over cause its one of the times I can have a bed to myself - yippee. We can cuddle and do all that other stuff before we sleep - give me the snugly soft bed to myself please!!! Doc doesn't seem to mind - if it makes me happy as he would say. YES it makes me happy!!! I will also have a break from my mother this weekend.

Hubby has been playing volleyball every night of the week. I say all the more power to ya honey. He comes home drenched in sweat and sand in his shoes (playing outside on a sand court) but he is happy to be playing and as long as he is happy, I can be happy.

Hopefully more soon....

I've been feeling great lately. I'm not quite sure why cause lord knows I have my share of bumps in the road so to speak. Things have been falling in place pretty well. As you know the youngest daughter has the job that pays great. The oldest daughter got a temporary job till October. She loves it. My job is going pretty good as a matter of fact I am considering a job as quality specialist. I wouldn't have to type anymore, instead I would be checking other transcriptionist's reports for errors and filling in blanks and other jobs in the background of the department. It would also mean that I would have to go into the hospital to work. I've been working from home for well over 8 years and I would hate to give up that freedom but on the other hand the pros of this job are pretty good. I have at least three weeks to think about it and really weigh the pros and cons of it before it's posted.

I did get a raise - a whole whooping 45 cents but I'm not complaining. I have an evaluation coming up that hopefully will be a pretty good one and that raise should be as much if not more.

My mother's health has been pretty good. Of course her eyesight never returned but I never suspected it would. She keeps hoping for a miracle. I realize that but you can't expect a miracle - it wouldn't be a miracle if that was case. Miracles are unexpected things - that is what a miracle is. She's stubborn and gets herself all upset when she thinks about it. I say - deal with what is happening now - not what has happened and not what might happen. Oh that was easy. Easy to say but hard as heck to practice. Which brings me to Doc.

Things between us are actually pretty good. I still don't trust him like I should even though I KNOW nothing is going on but every time I put my guard down, something happens. (I just had a deja vu episode - wow, double wow - let me take this in - ever have one of those while blogging?) Okay I'm back - whew that was weird. Anyway, back to Doc. He is talking about moving in a year or so because they are putting in a rather large development in the field/pasture behind his house. I don't blame him really, I would feel the same way. I'm trying to convince him to move closer to me. We'll see. We had a fight that started online and ended on the phone tonight. It's probably my fault for overreacting like I usually do but sometimes I just get the shits of some attitudes. Perhaps I really was taking my frustrations out on him that I had for hubby.

Okay get this. I stop working (had an hour to go) to prepare dinner, kabobs on the grill and homemade mac & cheese. I'm a preparing and cooking away and I'm at the grill turning the kabobs so they'd be perfect and hubby informs me that he is leaving in five minutes to play volleyball - WTF!!!????!!!! Do I do this to him when I go away? Do I leave him after he has done something for me? I'm thinking about this and the answer is NO. That is one thing I make sure I don't do and that is ditch my family. He knows I'm upset but I don't argue with him. It's only fair. I do remind him that when I go away remember this incident - Hey I'm a woman!! I can be a little vindictive. Anyway, now I'm bummed about the whole dinner thing and eat alone at the table while he is off playing volleyball and my kids are who knows where and at that point I really didn't care. Attitude!!!! Then comes along Doc online as I was finishing up work. I blow something out of proportion like I apparently do. What happens but my computer freezes just as I'm writing something really bitter to him. Oh great - I pull the plug and know that he will think I just got offline and he'll get off as well. Well yep that is what happened but did he call to check to see if I had trouble or if I did it on purpose - nope. So I call him after 10 minutes or so and then we started yelling at each other - or rather he was yelling at me for my "behavior" blah blah blah - yeah I really have not respect for a person when they are yelling at me. He says he talks loud cause that is just how Italians are - whatever!! So I say good bye - who needs to listen to that - heck I had the phone out an arm length and still could hear him. I should have just snapped the phone shut but no......I waited till he was done and said good bye. Who needs that crap!

So we'll see how that pans out. I have enough to keep me busy so I don't go crawling back apologizing for whatever. We obviously need some time apart. He really is a different sort of person - I can say that I have never NEVER met anyone like him before. EVER. I can understand why his relationships never lasted. What did I hope? That I could change him into a better person? A less self-centered person? I'll answer those another time - right now I need to concentrate on other things.

I was visiting some blogs and love the way pictures are used to tell a story. Puppy shared a day on the lake and Daisy shared her beautiful gardens. Gardens are hard work and I'm determined to make mine into as maintenance free as I can get them. Lilies seem to be one of my favorite flowers and luckily they multiple very easy. My best friend gave me quite a few perennials when she got rid of her one garden and they are doing beautifully. I will have to take the time to take some pictures and share. There is one thing that I noticed this year that I'm having trouble getting rid of and that's Poison Ivy - yucko. I can't believe how it has grown this year. I have stuff to spray on it but the weather has to be just right and I have to make the time during those just-right days. We have it so bad at one of the pine trees that it is coming up in the yard around it - yikes no walking barefoot around there!! I'm ready to kill the grass just to get rid of it. I'll let you know how that war goes.

We'll I have more to share but getting sleepy so I'm gonna call it a night.