It's been a while since I've written anything about my day-to-day life so I'm attempting to bring everything up to date. I've been going to therapy weekly now for over a month and have gotten quite a bit from it. The main thing is dealing with the guilt that I pose on myself every time my mother wants me to do something for her. Also, my mother now knows that I in therapy and have been taking medicine for the depression and ADD. This was a shocker to her and she was quite upset. I have seen a difference in her since finding out. At first I wasn't sure if it was just my "new" attitude regarding things or if it was actually her. Turns out it was a little of both. She is backing away a little with the demands which is a good thing for all involved. It gets her to be more independent and it's giving me back some of my life. Because I am so worried about what burden all this is on my oldest daughter, the therapist has suggested that she come along with me at the next visit. I have said something to my daughter and I believe she will.

Work sucks!! Because of all the problems I have been having emotionally, it suffered. I have kept them informed of my progress and have made improvements in the quality of work; however, they had a bug up their asses at the beginning of the year and have decided to do time studies on employees. Well, with all the problems I had been having (and still have to some part) the results of my time study sucked as did a lot of the other girls who work at home. I had a written reprimand given to me yesterday. It didn't matter that they agreed with me that my emotional meltdown at the end of last year had affected my work, I still got it. I'm not too upset actually, it's just a written warning and I don't plan on going back to that state again but it does kinda urk me that just because they do it for one they have to do it to all (without taking circumstances into consideration). Oh well. I'm still working from home and I'm happy about that.

Family life is okay. We are all back in the routine of what we do. Vacation is over. Memories are stored. I reflect back on that vacation and as wonderful as it was, I don't think I could have done that with just the hubby and I. I keep thinking maybe it was just me. Maybe it was just my attitude in general that caused us to be at each other's throats. The one thing that bothered me was the fact that when it came to bedtime, he wanted sex. Didn't matter if I was tired or even if I wanted it. (Keep in mind I love sex, but I love to enjoy sex too). He was all over me, rubbing me, touching me, sucking breasts, etc. Which by the way, the sucking of the breasts did not stimulate me like it does with lover #2 - you figure it out. I told him the one night that maybe I could be more in the mood if he showed me some of this affection during the day instead of when we got between the sheets. I'm not sure he got it. It's not like he answers me right away. I was half expecting the reply from him three days later. By that time, I would have forgotten what he was replying to. Why is it that men need to process things for such a long time or at least my hubby? I may never know that answer. He is back to playing volleyball; went three times this past week. I'm glad for him actually. He enjoys it and gets to interact with other people other than those he works with and his family. I just hope he is careful and doesn't reinjure his ankle. ouch!.

Lover #2 (Doc) and I have been getting along great. I see that relationship changing, less lust and more best friends. Bothers me only when I'm horny. :) Kidding....okay just kidding a little. 

He was away golfing for the first week I was away and we talked every day, sometimes twice a day while I was away and he was back home. By the things he said and acted on the phone, I believe he truly missed me. It was sappy by either of us (I held back on the sappiness) and he genuinely wished me a good time and even told me to do what I had to do to make it a good time. When I came home, I knew I would know if he had "done something" with anyone else and there were no signs of that. We were so happy to see each other. We didn't even have sex until four days after I have been back and I had seen him everyday since I was home. I know I know...where has the lust gone? Well, it's still there. I just can't explain it. I really do love this man. I heard on a television show once a man was being interviewed about the death of his mistress and he was asked if he loved her so much why didn't he leave his wife and be with her. He said, "I love her with all my heart but I love my family more." That really hit home with me. Maybe that is part of the feeling I have been having. Who knows but that is another post.

Let's see, what else......oh yeah. Bandit had two female friends (Doc's cats) visit while we were on vacation and my girls (who we had them last year when he went golfing) absolutely loved them.

They gave Bandit something to occupy his time instead of eating or thinking about eating. They said he missed them when they left (they left before we got home) and I think he still looks for them. But then he has a dog to contend with. We have been having my mom's dog, Bentley, stay with us a lot lately. He is a great dog. He was my dad's companion and really misses my dad. He has adapted to my mom but I don't think she has as much patience with him that my dad had.

 This is Bentley and Bandit back when Bandit was skinnier (he doesn't look too happy in this picture). They do get along better than this picture shows. Actually Bandit will just bat Bentley and Bentley will step aside and let the cat go. Bentley is that respectful of Bandit's house and his place in it.

Well, I think I'm caught up now. I will have pictures of Hawaii soon - been slowly uploading them.

1.  It's good to be away from the hustle of the everyday life but it's equally good to be able to come back home with a fresher perspective of things.

2.  I thought about my special someone every day and talked to him regularly while away. He wished me well and told me to enjoy myself. No guilt trip. No sappy missing me.....honest to goodness well wishes.

3.  I have the greatest kids on the face of this earth. They were wonderfully responsible while we were away.....unlike the daughter of the friends who went with us.....she had a party at her house that ended up with the police called and a boy being taken to the hospital for stab wounds.

4. Jet lag sucks. We left Hawaii at 7:40 pm (Tues), arrived in Texas at 7:00 a.m.(Weds) with enough time to catch the next plane (7:40 am) and arrived in Baltimore at 12:00p.m. There was a total of 5 hours time change. Equals out to 13 hours in an airplane - ugh

5. I'm thankful for all that I have in life, even those things that I gripe about or think I'm totally unhappy with. You just don't realize how good you may have it until you see how others have to live.  I took it upon myself when we were staying at Waikiki to feed some of the homeless (and there were quite a few). 

It's good to be back although I could have stayed longer but alas, there are things to do here, people to see, a mother who survived without me but missed me and of course children who couldn't wait to hear about the trip and see what was brought back for them.

The pineapples we shipped from Dole Plantation arrived the day we got home. Yummmmm....

Jet lag (such an ugly feeling) is still with me and I really need to just sleep and let time catch up with me or is it me who needs to catch up to time.....well one or the other.

I just downloaded my pictures (over 900). Originally I thought it was 800 but yikes it was was 900. Some didn't turn out too good (due to circumstances such as through the bus window or amateur status on my part) and I need to touch some up.

Trip was memorable and I'm glad we went with friends cause if I had to do that many days with just my husband I'm afraid we would have tried to push each other over the ship's railing.

We had some rain but not enough to stop any of the things we had planned. We were to dock at Kona, Hawaii but the day before we got there, another ship was docked and when a swell came in the ship broke the pier anchors (whatever they were called) and we couldn't dock safely. That was a huge bummer cause that was where we were going to tour the Volcano National Park and Waterfall Park. What is Hawaii but volcanoes and then not to see the Park. Disappointing to say the least. So we spent a day on the ocean rocking with the waves. It was rocky to say the least. We didn't get sick but let's just say that when we were on shore, we still swayed as if we were still on the ship.

I've included some pictures and will post more when I get a chance to go through them.

This is a red ginger flower. We saw these all over all the islands.

Night for now and promise more after some sleep....

This is so typical of me....I need to pack, get things organized and do so many more errands before I can fully sit back and take a deep breath. And what I am doing? I'm on the stream reading and now posting, was reading email, was doing this and that on the computer. Where are my suitcases? Empty of course. Where are the clothes I'm taking? On piles on my bed, in the living room and god only knows where else. Am I worried? Not yet but I'm getting there. I'm such a procrastinator. I do this every time I have to go away, wait till the last minute and hope that everything will come together. It usually does which is probably why I keep doing it. I also live by the philosophy that if I forgot it, I can always pick it up wherever I am going. What is the use of stressing right? Plus I'm on medication for that...LOL

I'm going to miss the stream and the wonderful people I love reading about. I'll have so much to catch up on. Be patient when I get back but I will catch up. When I joined Blogstream I never dreamed that I would become this wrapped up in it. I figured it would just be a place for me to express thoughts that I couldn't in the "real" world. It has allowed me to open up, take a new directions from what I intended to write about and what I have gotten from reading other's words is more than I ever dreamed was possible. I thank each and every one of you that has touched my life in different ways.

I was tempted to take a laptop but thought that would be unfair to my husband and the friends going along. I believe I can do 12 or so days without a computer. AGGGgggghhhhh that will be hard. Even when I went to Spain I found internet shops to connect with home.

Miss you all and can't wait to catch up.

Aloha!!!!

 Thank you PolarB for thinking of this!

1. I have always own an animal for as long back as I can remember (dogs and cats). I remember when I was a very young girl someone was going to give me a pony but we didn't have a place to keep it and I told my dad that we could put it in our basement (which was fixed up as a family room). It was very hard for him not to bring that pony home for his little girl but I eventually understood how that just wouldn't work out. I eventually did get a horse and he has a barn to stay in.

2. I was born with blond hair and had very blond hair growing up and then when I started to have my children, my hair turned to a dirty dishwater blond and it wasn't until 10 years ago that I started to dye it a tad blonder.

3. I played volleyball in high school and played in recreational leagues after school. It was eventually how I met my husband. I thought he had the sexiest legs and told him that. He blushed.

4. I was born and raised in the same county where I live now. I never had the experience of moving from home to home like a lot of people. I lived with my parents (except for the year at college) and then to my own home after I was married.

5 One week till I am sitting on Waikiki Beach, watching the waves, drinking my drink with the umbrella in it while savoring fresh pineapple.