Well, the replacement mattresses arrived today - 30 minutes earlier than they said so I got a phone call from my mother telling me that they were here, click. I had to clock out, save my work and head up there - 5 minutes tops to get there. I get there and I see the look on her face and I just shake my head. I can tell she is going to be a mean, nasty lady today. Of course, I sniffed the mattresses to make sure that the horrible smell wasn't there. One set was fine. The other mattress however had a faint odor to it. and I wasn't particularly happy about that. The foundation was okay. I just kept sniffing it and sniffing it to make sure it wasn't just me and it was the mattress - they had it in the room that was used for storing them so I wasn't sure if I was just smelling the room or the mattress. The guy said if I wasn't happy with it to call and they would get it right. Oh yeah, we know how that goes don't we. So I made a notation on the paper I signed about one of the mattresses still smelling.

So I made up my mother's bed and she was so critical. The sheet wasn't even with the blanket. The pillows weren't in the right position.  I kid you not, this woman is this critical.

I went to the other bedroom and she is harping how I didn't believe her that they stank when we got the first ones and I informed her that she complains so much about everything that I get to the point I tune her out. She went on how you have to try a mattress out when you buy it - well duh!! Doesn't she think I did that. I couldn't see taking her there with her being in a wheelchair and hardly able to transfer and these stores having the mattresses so close - I'm sorry I must be the bad daughter in not wanting to deal with her in that situation. My daughter's mattress is softer than these but she doesn't think so as that is the one she is using. My daughter agreed and she didn't say anything. I told her that I thought I was doing something nice for her and she said "I know" and I went on to say that for over a year every time I put her in bed she complained about her old bed - she was feeling the springs, she needed a smaller bed so she can reach across it to get herself up into the bed, etc. After hearing that constantly wouldn't you look for one. So we talked about a new mattress and I said when I got some money together I would get one. I even called her the day I was going into the store. I told her that she could have stopped me then but she didn't. It was almost like she set me up to fail - that she had her mind made up that she wasn't going to like anything I got her.

I need to step back. Stop doing things extra for her - you know like when you are out shopping and you see something that maybe your mother may like or need and you get it. I need to stop that because she is never grateful for those things. She very rarely acknowledges the items or she expects it to just happen. Well I'm done. Let her do without or figure out where the stuff came from before. She will see it. She will continue to sell off her stuff out of her house to get money to make bills, etc. I need to be strong. I need to think of my immediate family in this household and I need to think of myself and my well being and how she makes me feel and in turn how I relate to my family.

I can honestly say that I love my mother for being my mother but as a person, she is not the kind of person I associate myself with or like being around. I see my friends have good relationships, loving relationships with their mothers and I feel I am missing out on that but there is something about my mother that prevents that from happening. She has always been critical of me. Things I do for her are never good enough. She waits a few days or weeks and then makes comments about them or returns them. The harder I try the more she finds to bitch about. I should have given up a long time ago and I think I was starting to do that but then my father died and my life was turned upside down along with hers.

I appreciate the opportunity to vent and I'm sorry if it was negative and full of self pity. I don't want to make myself be the victim because I can do something about it, I just have to have the guts to do it and stick with it and be healthy about it. And this is why I go to therapy over this very thing. Thanks for reading.

How dare life get in my way of blogging but it has happened. I haven't had the time to blog or even read blogs. Priority I'm afraid. Hey, but life has been relatively good. I think I'm in a harmony phase right now regardless what has been going on with my mother. It feels good, relaxing even I'm busy.

My youngest is graduating in a month and I have been spending time outside trying to get the house and patio in "shape" from winter. The weather has been perfect for it. I also have been making her graduation invitations. I'm into scrapbooking so needless to say they have that look. I also have been making lists for this party. I'm one for making lists but generally forget them when I need them. Maybe I'll do better.

Hubby and I are getting along pretty good. I'm trying, honestly trying in that relationship but yet unwilling to let the other one go. Speaking of that relationship, things are going great there as well. We are becoming more friends than lovers and I'm okay with that. The lust is still there don't get me wrong but it is proving that the friendship is more important to us.

Oh hey, I quit smoking. Yessiree, April 20 was my last puff. Seems, I was scared into quitting. I was getting chest pressure and the feel of palpitations. But, all is good. I went to the doctor's on Monday and he ended up doing an EKG and then I wore a Holter monitor. Verdict is that I have ventricular bigeminy. I had to look that up even though he went into great detail how that happens. Seems where everyone's heart goes lub-dub, lub-dub, lub-dub, my heart goes lub-dub-dub, lub-dub-dub. Some call it an extra beat or a skipped beat. The reason I was feeling the pressure was that my heart may have been beating a little faster during those times and I was feeling it during those times. It's benign and shouldn't be a problem. I'm not going back to smoking. I knew I could quit. I just needed that "threat" of something serious to turn on the reality switch for me.

I have been "fighting" with Mattress Warehouse. I bought to full sets from them for my mother. One for her and one for the spare bedroom. They had a special buy one and get one free. I wish I never did. First they didn't deliver when they said they would. Secondly it took them almost a week to figure out when they were going to deliver and the manager of the store that I bought them from is lame. He doesn't return my calls and the only way I communicate with him is when I call the store. When they did deliver them, a "smell" was noticed but it was assumed it was just the smell of something new just coming out of the plastic. Well, the smell didn't go away and if anything it got worse. It started to smell more and more like mildew. My mom couldn't stand it and I didn't blame her. Of course, she wasn't happy with the mattress anyway. She claimed it was too soft so we switched my daughter's full mattress with hers. What a mistake cause now the smell entered my home. I had been trying to reach someone at Mattress Warehouse's main office but again no luck. No one returned my calls. When I finally did reach someone, she told me she would take care of it and asked when I wanted delivery - well that was this past Tuesday that I said I wanted them. Again, no delivery. Took me till Wednesday to finally reach someone to help me. In the meantime, I contacted my credit card company and asked how far they were going to back me on this. It had been paid in full with their card. They assured me that they would help me once I did all that I could. That was reassuring. Delivery is set up for tomorrow or rather today, Friday. My fingers are crossed and I'm hoping these sets are free from stinkiness. My next step if there is no delivery is to take the mattresses back to the store I bought them, wait till the store is filled with customers and drag that stinky mattress in so everyone in there can spell it and make sure they know about how this place of business handles their customers. I will make sure I get a receipt for returning them even though they have a no refund policy. I have my bases covered about that too. I'll let everyone know how I make out.

Well, I guess that's it for now. I will try to be a better blogger and it seems I have to find a picture of me at 17-18 years of age for Lucy. That should be interesting to see this project since I missed the preview. Good luck Lucy!!

M

It was a little known fact that Monday, April 3 was my 24th wedding anniversary. Yep, 24 years. I was so young and foolish. Oh I loved him like crazy and he rocked my world and I still do love him but not in that rock my world kind of way. Call it growing up or whatever. What did I do for my anniversary? I worked, I don't think I made dinner and I watched television with my youngest. What did the hubby do? Well, he worked, he came home and then went to play volleyball. He forgot our anniversary. Was I upset? No....I'm beyond that. I did mention it to him and he did admit that he forgot and I said that it was okay, just another day. Boring isn't it?  LOL  In a nutshell though that is what our married life is like anymore. Oh we still have fun but usually with another couple or our kids. We very rarely do anything just the two of us. We have conversations but usually not too personal anymore. I know we had a communication breakdown a couple of years ago and I tried to revive it but a person really needs help if they are going to do that - in other words, it does take two to have a meaningful conversation. Maybe this is what lead me to Doc and that relationship.

Many posts ago when I ranted about my relationship with Doc, I mentioned that he gave me a time limit for me to make a decision - one relationship or the other. That time limit was to the end of June. Nothing has been mentioned since that time. I don't know what made me think of it today, maybe cause I have been pondering my life and what is important to me, why I do the things I do, etc. I still have no answers. Maybe the answers will come to me in a way that I least expect it. My one friend told me I should make a list and put down good and bad qualities and maybe if I see it in writing, it will all become clearer to me. She is such a dear friend, she is not judgmental. She has told me pretty bluntly how she felt after I was all teary-eyed and upset. She knows how I feel about both men. She has some strong feelings herself but she is careful not let that influence me. I love her dearly for the person she is.

My oldest daughter is struggling a little this semester. I have always told my children that they should work and figure out what they want to do in life before committing to a college degree. I have failed my children in that sense. I feel almost responsible for my daughter struggling. She is doubting her major (she is a junior) and is really struggling in one of her major classes. She is usually an A student and she is getting C's - this upsets her. The scholarship she has with the school pays a third of her tuition each semester as long as she maintains a certain average and I guess she feels with C's she won't maintain that average. She has been on the dean's list every semester. I try my best to help her with her self esteem in this area. I don't want to fail my daughter. I keep encouraging her to do the best she can and we'll deal with whatever happens (no scholarship, change in major, etc). I keep reinforcing that I will stand by her no matter what happens. I won't let her down in that area. My youngest is doing great in school and will graduate in June - yea!!!! She will be going to the same college as her sister. Both will be commuting. They keep telling me that they aren't going to leave, that they will live here forever. I keep telling them that it will probably be me who moves out before them and we all just laugh. I wonder sometimes how much they think they know. They both go to Doc as their chiropractor. I don't even have a problem with that. I like the fact that Doc knows them. They both like him as well. Such a tangled web I weave.

Well, I got to vent a little and I feel a little better for it. I have missed blogging. I'm gonna have to make more time for it and to read more blogs, but that will have to wait for another day.

Good night!

My apologies to anyone checking in on my blog and not seeing anything "new". I think most know how time can get sucked up by living a good life. And yes my life has been pretty good. Even though my mother was admitted to the hospital for 5 days for congested heart failure (she is doing much better now) and that was a week from hell, life has still been good. My mother and I are coming to terms somewhat with the fact that I do have a life that doesn't involve her. It is difficult for her and I do have more patience now with her than before.

Work is going pretty darn good. The medicine I have been taking for the ADD is working out great! I even got a bonus check for February. It's been a long time since that happened with all the stress and how it was affecting my work.

Family life is pretty good too. I haven't "had words" with the hubby since the trip. He is back to playing volleyball and working his overtime. The girls are doing great in school although my junior in college is feeling a tad stressed over some of her classes and the "projects" that are coming due. My senior in high school "found" the letter from college telling her she was awarded a grant of 500 dollars per semester for four semesters. Apparently this arrived when we were in Hawaii and just discovered it again. That was good news. She has applied for other scholarships and hopefully will get some of those.

As I wrote in an early post, we have become the almost full-time guardians of my mother's dog. It's actually working out well except the cat is rather mean to him. He doesn't hurt him but he does let him know who the boss is and the funny things is the dog allows it.

And yes, I'm still seeing Doc. That relationship is doing the best actually. I think some of the things that happened in the past between us (mainly the disagreements) have hit home with him and he is being more appreciative of me, expressing feelings to me and genuinely showing me/telling me how he feels about me. It does give me a warm feeling but there is still that little part of me that is always on guard for the hurt that can occur. Hopefully with more time, I can squish that feeling into nothing but a memory.

With the nice weather coming, time to be outside. I'm actually looking forward to working in the gardens. I think that I may put out a bigger veggie garden this year. Usually all we plant are tomatoes and peppers but may try some other stuff that we like to eat - we'll see. We're having a graduation party for the youngest so I definitely have to make the place prettier. You know how winter can take it's toll. Been working on the invitations (scrapbooking has made me creative in that area but also it's very time consuming).

We have a new cat but not by choice. Either he used to live nearby and thought we made a better home or he was dropped off. The other three barn cats don't seem to mind him but he definitely doesn't like humans cause he runs whenever he sees or hears us. Doesn't seem to stop him from eating the food we put out for the barn cats.

It's that time of year when the horse sheds like crazy. I take him over to the pasture and just from walking him, it blows off him and onto my jacket. Lovely! We brush him and he still sheds. I can't believe he had that much winter fur to get rid of. He rolls and the ground is covered in blonde hair. I think he knows it too cause if he isn't happy with me (I might have made him wait too long to take him to the pasture) he will intentionally brush up against me, leaving his blonde horse hairs all over me. Maybe he likes the reaction he gets from me...who knows. Animals can be strange creatures.

I have been reading some blogs and I will try to get around to leaving some comments. Thanks for asking for me, it feels good to be missed. I know I have missed a lot of you as well. As Puppy put it in one of her blogs.....It's great to have wonderful neighbors such as all of you!!

Have a sunny Sunday!!!

First Picture is Waimea Canyon on the island of Kauai. Considered to be the Grand Canyon of the South Pacific

This young gentleman demonstrated climbing a coconut tree at the Polynesian Culture Center.

We had to use a smaller boat from the ship to visit the island of Maui. This was our ship taken while we were headed to Maui.

Coastline of Oahu

When we were on Maui, we went to a luau and this was our view from where we sat. It was beautiful. I didn't get as many sunset pictures as I had hoped, either the weather didn't cooperate or we were busy doing something that there was no "view" of it.

 I believe this was taken from the island of Maui. We were looking down on them from a cliff. There were larger waves then this at other shorelines but this one we actually stopped at and got out of the bus. The water was soooo blue. I had a picture looking down from our balcony on the ship into the water but couldn't get it to upload. This picture gives you an idea of the blueness.