I HOPE EVERYONE HAS A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS

 

 

I would like to apologize to everyone who has written me and I have not gotten back them. I'm not that rude naturally but I have been overwhelmed and it's catching up with me. I should have been updating my blog but unfortunately the depression during the times I was able overtook me and I came up blank with expressing my feelings. I have had many feeling believe me but it only depressed me more to convey them in this form. I fight every day to dig myself out of it. I believe I do a very good job when face to face with people but when I'm alone, I don't do so well.

As a quick update, my mother wasn't excepted in the ONE rehabilitation nursing home she said she would go to because of her weight. Apparently this home has a weight limit. She then refused to go anywhere else. I again told her that I wasn't approving of the fact that she wanted to come home without some kind of rehabilitation. To make a long story short, I brought her home after a two-week stay in the hospital. She had arranged for a friend to stay with her nights and VNA was working with her regarding her issues (home care, wound care and physical therapy). I was agreed to be her power of attorney and have taken over her money issues (which in the long run will be to her benefit since she has no control over her spending).

She has been trying since being home to talk to me differently and to not demand as much from me. However, this last week has been more than trying as things seem to be reverting back to how they were before and I just will not put up with that.

I appreciate everyone's prayers and well wishes. I truly do appreciate them and they have turned into a bright spot in my bleary outlook on things. I know myself and I know this all will get better (I'm not a total pessimist)but right now I can't climb out of the hole.

There is more to this story and I will elaborate more hopefully very soon as it does feel good to put it down and read it and reread it.

If I could run away and not feel guilty, I honestly believe I would. No doubt to warmer weather.

Thank you again for the thoughts and prayers. I have been blessed to "meet" some really thoughtful, caring people on the stream. Thank you!

It's been several days now with my mother in the hospital. Things have progressed to where I visited her for the first time today. Here's what has been happening:

She has been diagnosed with sepsis. They are trying to get that under control with antibiotics.

She has been calling regularly and sounding confused at times. She called my cell phone last night and left messages each time begging me to call her and finally on the last message she referred to my dad. She told me if I loved my dad I would come to visit her and not do this. Wow talk about manipulation. When I said something to her today, she denied saying it. She honestly didn't remember saying.

I talked to her doctor today and he questioned me about her confusion and paranoia. Some of that was normal but she is worse since being in there. I was concerned about this. I asked him to have psychiatry see her. I left her know that they would be seeing her. She agreed.

I also was able to convince her the need to have her admitted to a nursing home for rehabilitation. I gave her the goal of getting stronger and losing weight so she could manage herself at home. At first she agreed and then the next time it came up in conversation, she got teary eyed and begged not to be put in a nursing home. I again explained to her that I was not capable of taking care of her at home in the condition she was in and I was NOT going to bring her home until she was. I didn't give in. She now seems to be okay with it and isn't going back and forth between wanting and not wanting.

Today I went in to see her. I took in several things I knew she would like to have and of course a picture of Bentley. The minister from her church was there and did a healing ceremony in which I participated. For as "religious" as my mother says she is she isn't very spiritual. Let me explain. She is scared to death of dying. It has always been my thinking that if you believed in God, Jesus and the holy spirit as she says she does that there is nothing to fear about dying.

She will be talking to the lawyer about putting my brother and myself as power of attorney. Neither one of us particularly want it but we do want what is best for our mother.

She has been treating me better since our break from each and my attitude towards is softer, firm but softer. I am not going to sugar coat things and I'm certainly not going to lie to her. I will talk to her in a way she will understand. With her being confused, that means she needs things simple. We will get through this.

It's kind of a weight off my shoulders in the sense that she won't hurt herself in her own home and there will be people around her who can help her. I'm hoping with the weight of the responsibility of her being at home lifted that our relationship can be less dramatic now. Time will tell.

This weekend otherwise was uneventful. Hopefully the week will be better than the last.