It was a little known fact that Monday, April 3 was my 24th wedding anniversary. Yep, 24 years. I was so young and foolish. Oh I loved him like crazy and he rocked my world and I still do love him but not in that rock my world kind of way. Call it growing up or whatever. What did I do for my anniversary? I worked, I don't think I made dinner and I watched television with my youngest. What did the hubby do? Well, he worked, he came home and then went to play volleyball. He forgot our anniversary. Was I upset? No....I'm beyond that. I did mention it to him and he did admit that he forgot and I said that it was okay, just another day. Boring isn't it?  LOL  In a nutshell though that is what our married life is like anymore. Oh we still have fun but usually with another couple or our kids. We very rarely do anything just the two of us. We have conversations but usually not too personal anymore. I know we had a communication breakdown a couple of years ago and I tried to revive it but a person really needs help if they are going to do that - in other words, it does take two to have a meaningful conversation. Maybe this is what lead me to Doc and that relationship.

Many posts ago when I ranted about my relationship with Doc, I mentioned that he gave me a time limit for me to make a decision - one relationship or the other. That time limit was to the end of June. Nothing has been mentioned since that time. I don't know what made me think of it today, maybe cause I have been pondering my life and what is important to me, why I do the things I do, etc. I still have no answers. Maybe the answers will come to me in a way that I least expect it. My one friend told me I should make a list and put down good and bad qualities and maybe if I see it in writing, it will all become clearer to me. She is such a dear friend, she is not judgmental. She has told me pretty bluntly how she felt after I was all teary-eyed and upset. She knows how I feel about both men. She has some strong feelings herself but she is careful not let that influence me. I love her dearly for the person she is.

My oldest daughter is struggling a little this semester. I have always told my children that they should work and figure out what they want to do in life before committing to a college degree. I have failed my children in that sense. I feel almost responsible for my daughter struggling. She is doubting her major (she is a junior) and is really struggling in one of her major classes. She is usually an A student and she is getting C's - this upsets her. The scholarship she has with the school pays a third of her tuition each semester as long as she maintains a certain average and I guess she feels with C's she won't maintain that average. She has been on the dean's list every semester. I try my best to help her with her self esteem in this area. I don't want to fail my daughter. I keep encouraging her to do the best she can and we'll deal with whatever happens (no scholarship, change in major, etc). I keep reinforcing that I will stand by her no matter what happens. I won't let her down in that area. My youngest is doing great in school and will graduate in June - yea!!!! She will be going to the same college as her sister. Both will be commuting. They keep telling me that they aren't going to leave, that they will live here forever. I keep telling them that it will probably be me who moves out before them and we all just laugh. I wonder sometimes how much they think they know. They both go to Doc as their chiropractor. I don't even have a problem with that. I like the fact that Doc knows them. They both like him as well. Such a tangled web I weave.

Well, I got to vent a little and I feel a little better for it. I have missed blogging. I'm gonna have to make more time for it and to read more blogs, but that will have to wait for another day.

Good night!

My apologies to anyone checking in on my blog and not seeing anything "new". I think most know how time can get sucked up by living a good life. And yes my life has been pretty good. Even though my mother was admitted to the hospital for 5 days for congested heart failure (she is doing much better now) and that was a week from hell, life has still been good. My mother and I are coming to terms somewhat with the fact that I do have a life that doesn't involve her. It is difficult for her and I do have more patience now with her than before.

Work is going pretty darn good. The medicine I have been taking for the ADD is working out great! I even got a bonus check for February. It's been a long time since that happened with all the stress and how it was affecting my work.

Family life is pretty good too. I haven't "had words" with the hubby since the trip. He is back to playing volleyball and working his overtime. The girls are doing great in school although my junior in college is feeling a tad stressed over some of her classes and the "projects" that are coming due. My senior in high school "found" the letter from college telling her she was awarded a grant of 500 dollars per semester for four semesters. Apparently this arrived when we were in Hawaii and just discovered it again. That was good news. She has applied for other scholarships and hopefully will get some of those.

As I wrote in an early post, we have become the almost full-time guardians of my mother's dog. It's actually working out well except the cat is rather mean to him. He doesn't hurt him but he does let him know who the boss is and the funny things is the dog allows it.

And yes, I'm still seeing Doc. That relationship is doing the best actually. I think some of the things that happened in the past between us (mainly the disagreements) have hit home with him and he is being more appreciative of me, expressing feelings to me and genuinely showing me/telling me how he feels about me. It does give me a warm feeling but there is still that little part of me that is always on guard for the hurt that can occur. Hopefully with more time, I can squish that feeling into nothing but a memory.

With the nice weather coming, time to be outside. I'm actually looking forward to working in the gardens. I think that I may put out a bigger veggie garden this year. Usually all we plant are tomatoes and peppers but may try some other stuff that we like to eat - we'll see. We're having a graduation party for the youngest so I definitely have to make the place prettier. You know how winter can take it's toll. Been working on the invitations (scrapbooking has made me creative in that area but also it's very time consuming).

We have a new cat but not by choice. Either he used to live nearby and thought we made a better home or he was dropped off. The other three barn cats don't seem to mind him but he definitely doesn't like humans cause he runs whenever he sees or hears us. Doesn't seem to stop him from eating the food we put out for the barn cats.

It's that time of year when the horse sheds like crazy. I take him over to the pasture and just from walking him, it blows off him and onto my jacket. Lovely! We brush him and he still sheds. I can't believe he had that much winter fur to get rid of. He rolls and the ground is covered in blonde hair. I think he knows it too cause if he isn't happy with me (I might have made him wait too long to take him to the pasture) he will intentionally brush up against me, leaving his blonde horse hairs all over me. Maybe he likes the reaction he gets from me...who knows. Animals can be strange creatures.

I have been reading some blogs and I will try to get around to leaving some comments. Thanks for asking for me, it feels good to be missed. I know I have missed a lot of you as well. As Puppy put it in one of her blogs.....It's great to have wonderful neighbors such as all of you!!

Have a sunny Sunday!!!