It's been a while since I've written anything about my day-to-day life so I'm attempting to bring everything up to date. I've been going to therapy weekly now for over a month and have gotten quite a bit from it. The main thing is dealing with the guilt that I pose on myself every time my mother wants me to do something for her. Also, my mother now knows that I in therapy and have been taking medicine for the depression and ADD. This was a shocker to her and she was quite upset. I have seen a difference in her since finding out. At first I wasn't sure if it was just my "new" attitude regarding things or if it was actually her. Turns out it was a little of both. She is backing away a little with the demands which is a good thing for all involved. It gets her to be more independent and it's giving me back some of my life. Because I am so worried about what burden all this is on my oldest daughter, the therapist has suggested that she come along with me at the next visit. I have said something to my daughter and I believe she will.
Work sucks!! Because of all the problems I have been having emotionally, it suffered. I have kept them informed of my progress and have made improvements in the quality of work; however, they had a bug up their asses at the beginning of the year and have decided to do time studies on employees. Well, with all the problems I had been having (and still have to some part) the results of my time study sucked as did a lot of the other girls who work at home. I had a written reprimand given to me yesterday. It didn't matter that they agreed with me that my emotional meltdown at the end of last year had affected my work, I still got it. I'm not too upset actually, it's just a written warning and I don't plan on going back to that state again but it does kinda urk me that just because they do it for one they have to do it to all (without taking circumstances into consideration). Oh well. I'm still working from home and I'm happy about that.
Family life is okay. We are all back in the routine of what we do. Vacation is over. Memories are stored. I reflect back on that vacation and as wonderful as it was, I don't think I could have done that with just the hubby and I. I keep thinking maybe it was just me. Maybe it was just my attitude in general that caused us to be at each other's throats. The one thing that bothered me was the fact that when it came to bedtime, he wanted sex. Didn't matter if I was tired or even if I wanted it. (Keep in mind I love sex, but I love to enjoy sex too). He was all over me, rubbing me, touching me, sucking breasts, etc. Which by the way, the sucking of the breasts did not stimulate me like it does with lover #2 - you figure it out. I told him the one night that maybe I could be more in the mood if he showed me some of this affection during the day instead of when we got between the sheets. I'm not sure he got it. It's not like he answers me right away. I was half expecting the reply from him three days later. By that time, I would have forgotten what he was replying to. Why is it that men need to process things for such a long time or at least my hubby? I may never know that answer. He is back to playing volleyball; went three times this past week. I'm glad for him actually. He enjoys it and gets to interact with other people other than those he works with and his family. I just hope he is careful and doesn't reinjure his ankle. ouch!.
Lover #2 (Doc) and I have been getting along great. I see that relationship changing, less lust and more best friends. Bothers me only when I'm horny. :) Kidding....okay just kidding a little.
He was away golfing for the first week I was away and we talked every day, sometimes twice a day while I was away and he was back home. By the things he said and acted on the phone, I believe he truly missed me. It was sappy by either of us (I held back on the sappiness) and he genuinely wished me a good time and even told me to do what I had to do to make it a good time. When I came home, I knew I would know if he had "done something" with anyone else and there were no signs of that. We were so happy to see each other. We didn't even have sex until four days after I have been back and I had seen him everyday since I was home. I know I know...where has the lust gone? Well, it's still there. I just can't explain it. I really do love this man. I heard on a television show once a man was being interviewed about the death of his mistress and he was asked if he loved her so much why didn't he leave his wife and be with her. He said, "I love her with all my heart but I love my family more." That really hit home with me. Maybe that is part of the feeling I have been having. Who knows but that is another post.
Let's see, what else......oh yeah. Bandit had two female friends (Doc's cats) visit while we were on vacation and my girls (who we had them last year when he went golfing) absolutely loved them.
They gave Bandit something to occupy his time instead of eating or thinking about eating. They said he missed them when they left (they left before we got home) and I think he still looks for them. But then he has a dog to contend with. We have been having my mom's dog, Bentley, stay with us a lot lately. He is a great dog. He was my dad's companion and really misses my dad. He has adapted to my mom but I don't think she has as much patience with him that my dad had.
This is Bentley and Bandit back when Bandit was skinnier (he doesn't look too happy in this picture). They do get along better than this picture shows. Actually Bandit will just bat Bentley and Bentley will step aside and let the cat go. Bentley is that respectful of Bandit's house and his place in it.
Well, I think I'm caught up now. I will have pictures of Hawaii soon - been slowly uploading them.
