It dawned on me as I was reading some comments left for me that I have been writing this blog as I live my life; only sharing what I wanted to share and leaving the rest up for assumption. I'm okay with that as I really didn't think about others reading my adventures. But we are all anonymous here, not using real names, etc., so I tend to loosen up a little. I have this adversity towards lying. I have a hard time differentiating between omission of facts and lying. Sometimes I feel my life is a lie or at least parts of it. It is so very complicated and only I am to blame for it and now I am in a pickle because of the omission of facts. I strongly am against lying and do not lie intentional. If asked a direct question and I don't want to lie I have a way of redirecting the topic. If I say I am going to do something but it really is a "front" to do something else, I will do it and then do the thing I was really planning on doing. Sneaky I know. Deviant I know. Does it make me a bad person? I guess that depends on how you look at it, how you judge the person doing it. Keep in mind, I am a real person with feelings. A lot of feelings actually. I do my best not to hurt anyone, I sacrifice a lot of things that would be pleasure to me so others can have a better life. I'm not a heartless person and I'm not a perfect person either. I have no excuses and I offer no true explanation for who I am.

So much has been going on in my life. I'm using this blog as a way of expressing things I keep pent up and I do keep a lot inside, almost to the point that I feel ready to explode. That would not be a good thing. I'm afraid if I fall in pieces, there will be no way to put those pieces back together. I don't even know how to start sorting them out to even express them.

I talked with a friend today and she advised me to see professional help to deal with my stress that is now at the point of making me physically ill. Work is suffering. I have no control over things I use to have control over (feelings) and I don't know what to do. I thanked her for the advice but told her I really wasn't good at talking about myself and sharing things very personal to me. She said I didn't have to talk about anything I didn't want to but maybe a therapist could help me deal with the things that I have trouble dealing with (mostly my mother). I told her I would think about it.

Things use to be so simple. I know I can't turn back the clock. I know I can't undo what has been done. I can only move forward but how? When I get so stressed, I seek out one of my lovers and lose myself in passionate love making. Temporary fix. I need something more permanent. I'll sleep on it. A new day should bring fresh thoughts right? I know I need to do something, I just don't know how to start.

I am overwhelmed with a burning desire
A desire locked down deep inside
One that cannot be concealed anymore.

I long for one sweet kiss to quench my thirst
I long for one tender touch that will last a lifetime

At the end of it all you are my deepest desire!

Oh, come with me
Take me in your arms
Kiss me long and deep
Feel my passion rise

Remove my clothes
Caress my soft skin
With your fingertips
Feel the softness
Of my tender breasts
Beneath your hands

Touch them, stroke them
Squeeze them, knead them
Cover them with kisses
Close your lips around the nipples
Feel their hardness
With your tongue

Delve into me
With your hot tongue
Devour me
Taste my essence
As I scream your name...

Make love to me!